Choose illiteracy,
Choose a complete lack of industry,
Choose uninteligable regional accents,
Choose to worship a schizophrenic as God,
Choose to look like a fucking bar code, 
Choose to sell all your good players,
Choose "broon ale" and razor fights,
Choose 16,000 fans in Division 1,
Choose 36,000 fans in the Premiership,
Choose Warren Barton,
Choose Ian Rush up front,
Choose to make a gun runner your hero,
Choose Kevin Keegan making the club a laughing stock,
Choose a 1-1-8 formation,
Choose being outsmarted by a team 4 divisions below you,
Choose trashing your own town after losing a match, 
Choose 5-0 and harping on about it for years,
Choose Batty comitting assault on a weekly basis,
Choose not winning a trophy for 20 years, 
Choose saying "Howay" after every sentence,
Choose living on the most polluted river in Europe,
Choose being the scum of the earth, 
Choose Newcastle.