for his misbehaviour yesterday.

Following the 3-2 win in the Merseyside derby, Fowler reportedly took
exception to a group of children outside the home side's dressing room
looking for autographs from Everton players rather than himself. The
Liverpool striker allegedly reached for an Uzi and machine-gunned the lot
of them dead, shouting "Stop making these hurtful and insulting gestures,
it's just not fair! What have I done to deserve it?" before bursting into
tears and running off to find a hanky to blow his nose on.

Liverpool manager Gerard Houllier defended his striker's actions saying
"It was just a bit of everyday banter, the very salt of your English
game, is it not? Robbie regularly lets off firearms on the training
ground with Rigobert Song and a few others - a bonding tradition he and
his team-mates brought back from their summer trip to Colombia. It is
nothing to do with the Everton fans whatsoever"

An FA spokesman said "All though we don't want to ruin the excitement of
victories such as this one, we should make it clear that mass murder is
not smiled upon at the FA, and unless Robbie makes up the usual vacuous
lie that he's sorry and he won't do it again, then we might have to take
the unprecedented action of giving him a stern ticking-off, the young
Scouse scally. Naughty boy!"

Fowler was unavailable for comment last night, but at noon he made the
following statement:

"I would like to apologise unequivocally for my celebration by murdering
innocent children. Despite my actions being taken in the heat of the
moment I realise that they have caused great offence."

"Right, that should shut up those bastards who are out to get me. Wait
until they see what I've got planned for the United match! Hee hee, I'm
mad, I am!"

The FA confirmed that they would not be taking any action: "We feel the
matter is now fully resolved. It's quite clear Robbie is pretending to
regret his actions and as part of the FA's new initiative in showing we
are a hard-hitting and modern bunch of spineless bureaucrats we won't be
pursuing the case any further."

(c) News Unintentional 1999. All rights (And wrongs) reserved. The above
piece is complete fiction. All angry flames by Liverpool supporters are
welcome and will be ignored with fits of ironic laughter.

-- 
Chris Applegate  -  Remove x from address when replying

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