NNTP-Posting-Date: Wed, 07 Sep 2005 23:58:41 BST
X-Received-Date: Wed, 07 Sep 2005 23:58:41 BST (be1.news.blueyonder.co.uk)
Xref: be1.news.blueyonder.co.uk uk.politics.misc:335150

"Crowley" <crowleyalastair@yahoo.co.uk> found their true calling when
they said news:1126129266.157418.88270@g49g2000cwa.googlegroups.com:

>
> Farmer Giles wrote:
>> As a proud Englishman let me be the first to congratulate Northern
>> Ireland....
>
> Yes congratulations Northern Ireland and manager Lawrie Sanchez on a
> fine, honest, and hard-working performance, and a merited victory.
>
> As for England. What a pile of pathetic prima-donnas. If you think
> we're gonna win the World Cup then youre even more in cloud-cuckoo
> land than some of the headbangers on here. What a fuckin tactical
> shambles. What a total lack of spirit.
>
> We have some decent players but improvement will only come after the
> removal of the useless swedish charlatan and that posturing preening
> prick Beckham
>

They'd be great in my new buttie shop.

I'd have Beckham taking the orders, asking the moist females which bread
they'd like and giving them a great flick of his mullet bonce before
ordering his two lackies to actually make them.

Said lackies, Gerrard and Lampard, a pair of great guys who'd never go
wrong with the fillings would indulge in flippant but ultimately useless
banter along the lines of the following.

"Jamaican Jerk Chicken?" says Stevie G. "No problem," says Lamps,
sterile plastic gloves on hand.

>From there, I'd envisage Paul Robinson to be a lovely pair of safe
hands, efficiently loading the prototype butties into the astonishingly
fast England FA supertoaster or microwaver.

The stock situation would be adequately covered by our little hero,
Shaun-Wright-Phillips. The self-styled shortest player in the universe,
would ignore taunts by the delivery man about his stumpedness and load
the fridges in record double-quick time.

Ashley Cole and Luke Young would have to content themselves with
emptying the bins of half-eaten baguettes and manually retrieving
jalapeno peppers from the depths of the urinals. I'm sorry, but they
have proven themselves to be of limited value, especially in the field
of baguette creation.

On to sauces and condiments, where Ferdinand and Carragher would relish
in their chosen field. Ferdinand's forgetfulness is more-or-less
forgotten, the only blip being the occasion where he forgot to
temperature-probe some heated chicken and instead went shopping.
Carragher would do everything safely, but unspectacularly, adding just
not enough Branston Pickle to a moistened Cheese and Ham baguette.

As for the rest, well, on tonight's performance, all they could expect
would be to degrade themselves wandering around the town centre with a
sandwich board onst their shoulder offering free condiments and half-
price Hearty Polish bread on reformed reformed chicken with added pulp
and pulpjuice.

There's your system Sven. THERE's YOUR FUCKING SYSTEM YOU INDIFFERENT
CUNT!!!11